The 2011 Rainy Awards

The Oscars were horrible. James Franco and Anne Hathaway were a train wreck and more importantly, a dull train wreck. Plus, I didn't see The King's Speech. I don't like watching British people unless a white rapper or hot teenagers are involved. So I decided to hand out my own awards. Without futher ado, The Rainys.

Best Picture: Get Him To The Greek

This movie had everything: boobs, drugs, Russell Brand. Oscar voters love honoring movies that have people with disabilities or accents, so I'm not sure how Get Him To The Greek was overlooked. Any movie that has this much partying and decadence needs to win an award. The scene at The Today Show is a classic that will never be replicated in the history of film and Paul Krugman's cameo is a tour de force. Plus, Rose Byrne is hot and sings about taking it in the ass.
Worst Picture: Sex and The City 2


Best Actor: The Rock, Faster
The Rock only had about six lines in this movie but they were all great. The way he wears an expression on his face tells the whole story anyway. I haven't seen anybody pull off a robotic killing machine character like this since Arnold.
Worst Actor: Christina Aguilera, Burlesque

Best Actress: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit [tie]
She played an overmatched teenager and held her own with some of the best in the industry. Very believable and passionate as a young girl who overcomes the odds to avenge the death of her father.
Stoya, True Clit [tie]
She played an overmatched teenager and held her own with some of the best in the industry. Very believable and passionate as a young girl who overcums the odds to avenge the death of her father.
Worst Actress: Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and The City 2


Best Supporting Actor: Charlie Sheen, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Reprising his role as Bud Fox, Sheen plays a rich, womanizing addict with two girlfriends. A real stretch of the imagination.
Worst Supporting Actor: Chris Noth, Sex and The City 2


Best Supporting Actress: Jesse Jane, True Clit
Jane plays Rooster Cockburn, a sexy bounty hunter with a secret. There's no way Stoya can carry this movie by herself but Jane helps her all the way to the climactic end.
Worst Supporting Actress: Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Sex and The City 2 [tie]

Best Sound Mixing: Inception
It was a dream within a dream within a dream.
Worst Sound Mixing: Sex and The City 2