Kemba Walker Reads First Book

Kemba Walker, the UConn guard who led his team to the NCAA Title and is preparing to graduate after three years at school, recently realized another major life accomplishment: he read his first book. According to Sports Illustrated, Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete by William C. Rhoden is admittedly the first book Kemba has read from cover-to-cover upon recommendation from an academic counselor. My personal first was The Little Engine That Could so I give Kemba a lot of credit for picking a tough one to start with. Apparently, you don't need to do much reading to get your sociology degree at UConn. I figured he would have majored in something easier like recreational studies. I think that's what Van Wilder did.

ESPN

Paris Hilton Was A Teenage Hooker (And Other Stories)

Neil Strauss has a new book coming out called Everyone Loves You When You're Dead, in which he reveals private moments of the celebrity interview subjects he's had over the years. There promises to be a ton of juicy secrets and I already can't wait to see what he writes about Marilyn Manson, Snoop Dogg, and Lady Gaga. However, the buzz so far is all about Paris Hilton. Strauss met her in LA as an 18-year-old. She bragged about performing a lesbian sex show for some lucky dude named Artie the night before and having implants when she was 14, then proceeded to take some E, make out with Bud Bundy, show disdain for black people, and have a threeway. Sounds like a typical night for the Stoner.

LA Weekly

Johannes Gutenberg Would Be So Upset

Star Jones released a novel this week called Satan's Sisters about a group of ladies that host a daytime talk show. I've always encouraged literacy but if I ever see somebody reading this on the subway, I'm going to slap them in the face. I tried to read the first few pages but couldn't make it past the dedication without almost vomiting. "This book is gratefully dedicated to those who sometimes choose the latter." Awful. Also, in doing my hours and hours of research, I found out that Star Jones's Twitter handle is @StarJonesEsq, which makes me even angrier. There's only one thing that'll make me happy:

Hey Star, What aisle can I find the cottage cheese in?

OK, now I feel better.