Jabroni of the Week: Hosni Mubarak

Hosni Mubarak has been the President of Egypt since 1981. After probably rigging recent elections, Egyptians have risen against him and called for his ouster. Despite pleas from President Obama and other world leaders, having several high-ranking members of his government resign, and weeks of sometimes violent protests, Mubarak has stayed in office for some reason. This guy has got to go. What's wrong with him? He's like the last guy at the party that doesn't get the hint that he should leave. Obama is like "Hey, I should probably start cleaning up all these empty beer bottles," and Mubarak is like, "It's cool. I can't wait until they show the Yankees game on SportsCenter."

Mubarak, nobody likes you. Your soldiers don't like you. Your people don't like you. Your government doesn't like you. The pyramids don't like you. You are corrupt even for the Middle East. Some reports have your wealth at $70 billion. That makes you the richest man in the world. I'm sure that was legal. Go live in some villa on a tropical island and drink margaritas all day. Why do you want to stay in office? After the first $50 mil, I would have been like, "Peace, Egypt, I'm going to Fiji." OK, here's my plan. You step down and then me and Charlie Sheen meet you in Vegas with Tory Black and Jenna Haze. Just leave office immediately. Until then, you're a jabroni, brother.