Rainman Suite Enacts Social Change

I just got off the phone with Egyptian ambassador Sameh Shoukry and he has notified me that after reading yesterday's Jabroni of the Week, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has decided to step down. Apparently, the Egyptian people have been chanting all night for myself to be installed as their new president. I seriously thought about it but I just love New York too much and I don't know if I would able to get NBA League Pass in Cairo. So for now, congratulations on your freedom, Egypt, and you're welcome.

Jabroni of the Week: Hosni Mubarak

Hosni Mubarak has been the President of Egypt since 1981. After probably rigging recent elections, Egyptians have risen against him and called for his ouster. Despite pleas from President Obama and other world leaders, having several high-ranking members of his government resign, and weeks of sometimes violent protests, Mubarak has stayed in office for some reason. This guy has got to go. What's wrong with him? He's like the last guy at the party that doesn't get the hint that he should leave. Obama is like "Hey, I should probably start cleaning up all these empty beer bottles," and Mubarak is like, "It's cool. I can't wait until they show the Yankees game on SportsCenter."