Hammer vs. Machete: Who Ya Got?

No, Adam Carolla didn't get into a fight with Danny Trejo, silly bastard. This type of insanity can only happen in one place and it's not Hollywood. It's New Jersey, the land of 1,000 processing plants. In Passaic, a thrift store owner who was being robbed by some hammer-wielding genius managed to defend himself with a machete that he luckily had lying around. The robbery took place at 10:30 in the morning because obviously the robber wanted everyone to see him running from the store with a bag of money and a bloody hammer. Police are searching for a suspect who they say took off his clothes as he left the scene. So if anyone in Passaic sees a naked man with a hammer, please alert the authorities.

WABC-TV

Trivia Time: 3/21/11 Edition

Sorry I was gone today. I was in Atlantic City causing trouble and blacking out with my buddy Rory, which brings us to today's trivia question. The prize as always is the feeling of success and victory. The answer is after the jump.

In what year was gambling legalized in Atlantic City?

A Day In Hoboken Municipal Court: The State of New Jersey vs. Keith Stone

Last week, I got busted for public urination at the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Hoboken. Since New Jersey is such a classy place, I wasn't able to simply pay a fine and go on my merry way. I had to appear before a judge at Hoboken Municipal Court and face a maximum fine of $2,000. It was not fun.

Hoboken St. Patty's Day: To Catch A Urinator

I went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Hoboken on Saturday. I have honestly never seen more hot girls collected in one place in all my life. It was the first really warm day of the year and coinciding with the parade was the perfect storm. Of course, me and my buddies ended up at a party where all the chicks seemed to have seen better days. I started playing beer pong with one of them and then she started telling me about her bachelorette party. NEXT!

The real highlight came when I stopped in a back alley to take a leak. Totally empty. I'm not a total creep. I notice a car about three blocks away. I'm thinking no big deal. This'll just take a sec. I zip back up and the car speeds up to me and two cops jump out and ask for my ID. Hoboken set up a sting operation in an alley to catch public urinators!!! And of course, I was caught. I was surprised Chris Hansen didn't run out to interview me.

CH: "I'm Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC. So what are you doing in this alleyway, sir?"

KS: "Uhhhhhhhh, I was just checking my cell phone."

CH: "Then why is there piss on your shoes? And why are there condoms and wine coolers in your pickup truck?"

Looks like a $2,000 fine for the Stoner. If you would like to help pay it, please send all contributions to the Rainman Suite. Ladies, you can come deliver it by hand.

New Jersey Downgraded

New Jersey's bond rating was downgraded from AA to AA- by Standard & Poor's today due to out-of-control pension and health care costs. The state has a $53.9 billion pension deficit and owes $66.8 billion in medical bills for retired employees. I'm no finance major (well, actually I am) but that's a lot of money. Throw in Snooki's drinking problem and the 15-37 Nets and things aren't looking too great for the Garden State. It's no surprise, though. The geniuses in Jersey make the losers in Long Island look like rocket scientists. That's what happens when you pad that overtime before you retire, kids. It a serious problem that's happening all over the country due to poor planning and it's going to take some tough decisions and smart guys to sort it all out. I think Chris Christie might be one of those guys.

Bloomberg