Melo Dominates Cleveland, Tom Hanks

Carmelo Anthony had a big weekend. He helped lead the Knicks to their first playoff berth since 2004 with a double-digit win over Cleveland and also did a little acting with a portrayal of female shotputter Carmela St. Knix on Saturday Night Live. Although he didn't have many lines, Melo appeared in two sketches and I thought outshone a cameoing Tom Hanks. OK, maybe not but he was better than Shaq in Kazaam. Catch the clips here and here.

The Knickerbocker Conundrum

A lot has been made about the Knicks' recent struggles. Before defeating Orlando, they lost nine out of 10 and six in a row including losses to juggernauts like Detroit, Milwaukee, and Charlotte. Melo has been here for 21 games now, more than a quarter of the season, so it's fair to judge him and the team since the trade. But honestly, I can't. I'm just confused.

This Is Why You Go Home With the Slutty Bartender

Knicks and Grizzlies tied at 108. Ten seconds left. Who does the ball go to?

Farewell To Mediocrity

 

There was an energy in the Garden tonight, a real energy, unlike anything I've ever felt. Yeah, I wasn't there when Willis came out of the tunnel, Messier raised the Stanley Cup, or Ali fought Frazier. I'm not saying that tonight was even on the level of those events. It was just different.

The Slutty Bartender

I went to Joshua Tree on 3rd Ave. on Sunday night (President's Day FTW). One of the bartenders there was as sloppy as it gets. Big tits with a tight shirt, thong hanging out. She knew what she was doing when she was bending down. Every time you ordered a drink from her, she flirted so hard you expected her to take you into the bathroom in exchange for a tip. Every guy knows what I'm talking about.

As hot as she was, though, I got to thinking what I would have to go through to hook up with her. Even after seeing her shake her ass at every guy at the bar, I couldn't say no when she asked me if I wanted another drink. How much money would I spend and how much of her slut antics would I put up with?

Carmelo Anthony Slot Machine

ESPN.com has a new feature called the Carmelo Anthony Slot Machine. It may be the worst idea since Katy Perry married Russell Brand and I have no idea how it works. I just spun the wheel and got 4 Knicks Carmelos, 3 Nuggets Carmelos, and 1 Lakers Carmelo. What does that mean? Are we cloning Carmelo Anthony and having the greatest trade in NBA history when he gets traded for himself? Here's the link. If anyone figures it out, let me know.