Johannes Gutenberg Would Be So Upset

Star Jones released a novel this week called Satan's Sisters about a group of ladies that host a daytime talk show. I've always encouraged literacy but if I ever see somebody reading this on the subway, I'm going to slap them in the face. I tried to read the first few pages but couldn't make it past the dedication without almost vomiting. "This book is gratefully dedicated to those who sometimes choose the latter." Awful. Also, in doing my hours and hours of research, I found out that Star Jones's Twitter handle is @StarJonesEsq, which makes me even angrier. There's only one thing that'll make me happy:

Hey Star, What aisle can I find the cottage cheese in?

OK, now I feel better.